Rick Williams 

Well, I thought this year our sign business would be slow, since the anemic oil industry is so prevalent here in Northeast Texas. But, then again, making predictions has never been my strong suit.

Actually, when business slows down, people advertise more, which is good for the sign business. And when times are tough, businesses change hands, especially oil companies, and change is good… for the sign business.

And then someone will write a law, or some silly thing like that, and it will send sign business our way as well. That has happened here in Texas, and the new law went into effect on January 1, giving every sign business a boost to get the year going, and we’ve been busier than ever.

The law written down at the State House in Austin made it legal for gun owners who have gone through the training and paid the yearly expense to have a license to carry a concealed weapon, to also openly carry their weapon if they choose to. 

But, under immediate pressure from all those who imagined Texas reverting to the standards of the Old West, the legislators also allowed for any business that wanted to restrict this new right to state their objection with a sign at each entrance written in a specific way, in block capital letters 1” tall, a full paragraph of text in both English and Spanish ... problem solved.

They did the same thing back when a state law was passed saying any non-felon law abiding Texan who took the course and paid the fee could carry a concealed handgun. The law instructed  any business that objected to having guns on their premises to put up a sign stating so, in 1” tall capital letters, so no guns would come into their establishment.

I was skeptical, of course, that we sign guys could produce such an effective sign that any dangerous person, armed with a deadly weapon and mayhem in their heart, might approach a business and upon seeing a sign I made be resigned to disarm themselves before entering. I thought only the law abiding people would do that, and since we aren’t really worried about them, why put up a sign?

But, this strategy must have worked, because here we are again making more of these miraculous gun disarming signs, and I’m more than a little bit proud of my profession and the amazing products we make using mere plotters and digital printers.

Actually, the legislature of State of Texas, in all its wisdom and omnipotence has figured something out that has been hidden through the ages; that if you put up a signs with 1” tall capitals on a contrasting background in two languages and place them strategically so they are read close up, you can head off all kinds of trouble, and I’m just the sign maker to make them!

And now that I’m a believer, I think we need to use this power in any number of ways. Why, we should put signs at every tavern and liquor store forbidding drunk driving… in 1” tall letters on a contrasting background… in English and Spanish… and we can solve that problem too.

Couldn’t the same be done for drop outs at school? Just put up signs forbidding dropping out! And while we’re at it lets forbid drug abuse, family violence, and thievery of any kind.

Of course we all know, in our heart of hearts, that this wouldn’t really work. And it’s not that too many of us Americans are selfish and violent and don’t respect the values that made our country great. No, that isn’t it.  The real problem we have to address is illiteracy… and not being bilingual.

That’s all there is to it. When we can all read “1 inch tall capital letters on a contrasting background, in English and Spanish” we can solve the problem of gun violence and all our other social ills at the same time.

And then, we sign guys will be the most respected members of society, defending our nation from every form of depravity, with the most amazing products of modern technology, tools of a truly benevolent and beneficial form of social engineering.

I’ll take my medal in advance, if you please.